My celebrity family

First things first. If you read like any post by me, you know that I am a weirdo.
Actually I am a big weirdo. So nobody will be surprised, I hope, if I tell you that I make my own family up. Not that I don't adore my own family and my own friends, but I have a few people (that I don't actually know) who I like, but it would be weird if I said that I "find them hot" or I would think about how it would be if they were my boyfriend or whatever.
So I'm gonna call them my celeb family. Nothing weird about that right?
Note: Not everyone has a specific "job". Yup. And not everyone is really a "celebrity". At least not for me.
First up: William Shatner

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In my imagination he would be more something like my grandfather or so. But he always seems so cool and nice. Especially on twitter. I know, people are not what they seem to be. But this is my imagination. I also never really had a real grandpa. 

Next: Leonardo DiCaprio 

(although I guess most people already know what he looks like)

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He just seems so nice and wants to change the world. Is that enough explanation for you? I hope so, because I have nothing more to say. 

Another person: Benedict Cumberbatch

source  Although he had a little shitstorm lately on twitter, I want to include him. I could go on for weeks about my opinion about him being a douchebag. But my opinion already gets clear in my post from another forum. 

Here you go: 

Why can't people just leave it alone? He's a grown man and allowed to talk about sex. 

You must not like it, but if you're allowed to write fanfiction about their characters having sex, he should be too. 
Or talk about it. God, people get annyoing.

Here's my next victim: Jennifer Lawrence! 

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As you can see in the picture, she is perfect. But not in that weird, Barbie way of perfect. Or maybe you could say she is awesome. Being her awkward, funny and inspiring self where ever you see her. 

I know, she made bad press too. But it's not her fault isn't it? We should stop shaming the victim if something happens. 

My next guests are....: Anthony Padilla & Ian Hecox! 

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I know, I am late to the game. I don't know why didn't watch their videos earlier, but in the last few days/ I got to it and I really, really like them. I think they're mostly funny and because a few things in my life are currently stressful it's a great way to be entertainend and don't have to think about much. 

There's not really much more more to say... 

And another Youtube person: Carrie Hope Fletcher

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She's just someone who I would want as a big sister. She's nice and she reads and watches Doctor Who and drinks tea. 

She made the Hopeful Forum, one of the best places in the entire wolrd where you get the chance to get know people that are really awesome and cool. And Carrie is just...awesome and inspirational. 

Plus: she's a great singer. She's basically just me on a good, happy day. On daily basis. 

The next youtuber: Emma Blackery 

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She is mega awesome, too. I feel like she's me on a daily basis. How she acts like in her videos is how I feel mostly like. She is awkward and weird and talks about poop and camera and that's just admirable. She can be nice and all, but you also feel like she's herself. It's the same with Carrie btw. 

And what might come now? How about a another Yotuber? Or two?: Dan Howell and Phil Lester 

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They make me happy. And would love to have them as family members. And they're real, and great. 

Ok, maybe I have a little crush on them. Just tiny one. 

How better to end this thing than with the one and only: Emma Watson! 

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Not only is she pretty and one of the greatest actresses I know. She's also smart and a feminist. Tell me: what better big sister/person could there be?! She's just freaking amazing! 

I know, I did not include everyone. I tried, but it is really hard if you actually do it. I guess I will Edit this post some time in the future or I will do a part two.^^ 

Whatever floats my bones or what do they say? 

What happend here?

I don't really have an idea how to start this. I feel like everyone first sentence that I come up with, is just not perfect.
But I am going to start any way. So as the two people that I know I gave the link to this blog to, might know, I have red hair. Not naturally tbh. It just has always been sort of a dream of mine to have red hair. Like red red. Like Tamaras hair color in Awkward.
Tada, that's what I always wanted. Since I was like 5 or so. I always had a red streak, but never ever had the real red hair. Even though I always wanted that.

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I know, I know she pulls a weird face in this pic. But I just wanted a photo of her with the hair color that I always wanted or just the one that I currently sort of have. 

I wish, I took pictures the last time I dyed my hair. Did I mention before that I use temporal hair color (or hair dye?) ? No? Ok, now I mentioned it. Happy? 

Where was I? Right, at the point where I said, why didn't took photos the last time I dyed my hair. 

Just because it was like the middle of the night and I was tired and let's be real, you wouldn't have seen anything in the photos.  

Maybe you ask yourself: why the heck would she want to take photos of her dying her hair? 

The answer is, that it is just really hilarious. And creepy, if I come to think about it. 

When you dye your hair (red would be the weirdest one I guess) it leaves alot of stains on everything. Luckily I wasn't the one wearing a white shirt. (sorry Mom!).

So it just looks like someone brutally murdered someone else in your bathroom. Or that he brutally murdered you, who knows. 

So just imagine a white bathroom with white towels and everything with a little red here and there...

I think you know what I want to say. 

It looks freaky, funny and creepy at the same time. 

Not to talk about how it looks when my hair gets wet and the rosy-red water slowly flows down my back.... Looks really good. 

Haha, not really. 

Why do I use make-up?

So, after months of not blogging, here I am again. Anyone missed my interesting thoughts? Nope? That's ok. Me neither really.
Maybe you're male wondering why females (yeah, no boy girl term here) use make-up. Or you're a female who wants the opinion of someone else.
Let's start!
Why I wear make-up... Maybe because I want to look better, but that's not always the case. Often I wear it to feel safer. Like a shield that you can put on whenever you feel like it and nobody ever sees how your real, venerable face looks like. They just see what you want to see.
Sometimes I don't feel like wearing Make-Up at all. When I am just grumpy and not in a good mood. Then I am just running around without any.
But you always  wear some in school! 
Yes, I do.
And you wanna know why? Because school already sucks with Make-Up. It sucks when I already look "my best". Why should I let the people there see what my flaws in face are?
I already have enough that everyone can see. And mostly I am happy with what I look like and who I am.
But some days everyone feels like crap, I guess. And when you have to go to work or school or whatever you do outside your house where you have to go and you feel like crap or not happy or safe putting on a little Concealer is making a big difference. At least for me.
Like I said here over and over. It is a shield that keeps me safe. Even if it's just a little color here and there, it sometimes is like listening to my fav music. It makes me feel powerful and like I can do whatever I want to do.
Yes, ok. That "whatever I want to do" part was a little too much, but I hope you get my point.
But i hope you get my point. Sometimes a little Make-Up can make your life less miserable.
And sometimes even more because you can get more spots and blackheads and your skin can look much worse than before.
Never forget to clean your face kids!

Wait...people actually help?!

In April 2014 Carrie Hope Fletcher opened the Hopefulforum  where her fans the so called "Hopefuls" could hang out and meet new people and talk about things they like and don't like.
I registered very soon after I heard about the forum, but I never was very active and wrote actually stuff. A few months I never even went on there.
But now, because I have much free time, I spent much time on there and I love it. It is a place on the internet where not everyone hates each other, it's a place where people like Newbies and are happy if they can help you.
I haven't been in a really place the last few months, but the last weeks I felt empty. No matter what I did, I felt like a balloon without the needed air. I was just there and things, but they never ment much much to me. Until I started to get more more active in the forum and reading more of the things people said and I felt better. People who had never seen me in real life said that they liked me and I felt good.
It's one thing if you meet people in your school or at work or whatever. You never know if they really like you or just the things you have or can do. But on the internet people mostly like you, because of your mind and opinions and music taste  and humor and everything else.
Maybe they even like what you look like when you have a profilepicture, but mostly they like you (if they like you) because you are you.
Many people say that you can't meet people on the internet and make friends, but I ask myself, why? Of course you've never met them in person, but that doesn't mean that you can't be friends.
Friends are not people who you have to see every day. Friends are  people you can talk hours to, without talking about anything. Friends are people you like and that you can trust.
So why can't you find those people in the internet.
And how am I supposed to get know people on the other side of the world without the internet?

Age is a number, right?

Hey, it's me again.
Me, the person who says that she wants to blog more and ends up writing nothing for nearly a month. Wuhu, I'm soo good! (And now it's more than a month. Even better!!)
So I kind of forgot to blog. Really! And I didn't really knew what I want to talk about soo...
But today I came across an idea for a post. In the end of June my mum and I started to watch 'the Vampire Dairies' and we' re loving it so far (even if Elena behaves really stupid and annoying, there's still Damon). And as I do it always I looked the actors of Vampire Diaries on Wikipedia-nothing special so far. But after a few weeks of fangirling I stopped refusing and actually looked how old Ian Somerhalder was. The truth was a shock, to be honest.
I thought he was about 25 or so, not 35! So my 'real' topic for today are actors. Especially actors who are much older then they look. Like Benedict Cumberbatch.

Can you tell he's 38 now?! No, I don't think so. He still looks so...young, I think. 

The hole topic might sound weird to you, but it's the thing I'm thinking about the most at the moment. Yup, so I guess their 'looking like 20 in their 30's thing' makes them a much easier victim for weird fangirls like me that love those 'old' guys and them to...uhm...kind of marry them or something. That was really odd. And it is still very odd. But I can't really change that about myself, right? And there are worse people you can dream of, like the guys who participate in 'DSDS'. 

But still...it's a thing a never I never thought existed. Didn't you ever look up how old someone was and thought, Damn soo old! You did, right?! Otherwise this would be even more odd. But anyways, I'm going to write now, because I want my story to become a book some day in the future. 

My new identity ?!

A little more than one week ago I met my best friend, who I haven't had met in months. We went to a restaurant with our families and we talked a lot. About my old school, about my old classmates and a few friends. After a while he told me about this TV show, Surburgatory. And he told me, that the main character Tessa reminded him of me in my new school. 

Now, more than a week later, I have watched all three seasons of Surburgatory. It was really creepy how much we are alike sometimes. Except that I haven't made out with a football player. Yet. 

There were just a few things about her that are not exactly like me. 

1. her hair's naturally read, mine's not.
2. as mentioned previously, she had a football player boyfriend
3. she doesn't wear glasses
4. she has a single dad and a mum who ran away 
5. she can actually play the guitar and sing 
6. her tablet has a blue case 
7. her dads and her house is white 
8. she has only one dog 

Ok, I'm gonna stop before this gets completely ridiculous. But let's face it, it was silly in the first place. But you see: we have so many things in comment that watching the show was a little creepy sometimes. Just because it felt like I was watching myself doing stuff. Even if we do not look alike. Jane Levy is really pretty though. 

Just a few times I couldn't understand why she was doing what she did. But in the end is she just a tv character like Blair and Serena and all the others. Although I hope she was not sometimes... 

Journey to the Places of music

Recently I listened a lot to the music of Nirvana. I had loved 'Smells like teen Spirit' for a long time, but I never knew that the song that I liked that much was 'Smells like Teen Spirit'. But about a month ago I watched the 'new' Finebrothers' Video Teens react to Nirvana and it seems like this Video changed my life-in a few different ways.
Because when I finished watching the Video I started to look up 'Nirvana' and 'Kurt Cobain' and read many articles about the band and him.
A few days later I got my dads old Nirvana CD's and started listening. And I looked up the lyrics. And I listened again and again and again. Because someone seemed to understand me and felt like that was the first time in a really long time.
The first time I really was obsessed with a band or a special style of music was when I was 11 or 12 and I watched glee. And I watched the season finally where Quinn gets her baby and Vocal Adrenaline wins the Regionals.
And I liked the song that they sung a lot. After my mum told me that the song was 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen, I wanted to listen to more music by Queen and got obsessed with the music. But after a while I liked Imagine Dragons more. Or Green Day.
My taste seemed to change a lot more than I liked it. I also loved my brothers music when he was still in his band, but when  he left the band it felt wrong to enjoy the music that the others did without him.
I still love the other bands that I've mentioned here and a lot of other bands, but i'd never thought that I would love Nirvana's music some day so much.
Before I actually listened to it, I always thougt it was music where evryone just screams and you can't understand a word they're singing or saying. But now I feel like I had lost my voice, but I found someone who speeks what I want to say.

I have no idea...why should I ?!

I often have to write many stories and articles and texts as school work and nearly every time i have one problem: i don't get insparation. As much as I try, i can't write anything that sounds good for me. And that's a reason why i hate exams and class tests. Because in a class test you have to be creative and you have to be perfect and you have to have a good language.
In school i'm in creative writing and I've had a long time when I had no idea. I didn't know what I wanted to write or had even a idea what I wanted to write about. And I started to realise that I am never happy with anything I do. I don't like stories I wrote, the pictures I've drawn. Eventhough people migh tell me they're good. I 'll always find something that I want to change about it. I always do. And you wanna know why ? Because I seem to think that I do is not as goood as the things the others do. Or I used to think that, because I always knew that feeling from school. When I was good at something I'd bet that someone was better than me. It started in primary school and it never changed. I always had someone who maybe just thought he or she was better than me. Better at drawing, wrtiting or just being someone a good friend. And I think until I never really thought about how I always think that the others maybe aren't better than me. That I am maybe am the best at something. I'm saying that I am. I just could be, ok ? Maybe you're not reading this anymore at this point, because you don't think this post is intresting enough to read or you though you may get inspiration for an essay or anything (if so, I'm sorry that the title maybe miss leaded you), but if you're still reading this, I just want to say thank you for reading my opinion.

Concentration, Concentration now begins and STOP!!!

Lately i've been having exams (and i'm going to have the last one tomorrow-wish me luck please btw). And at this time i learned alot about me as person-for example that i can concentrate better than i haven't had much breakfast and am a little tired. But let me start from the beginning. Last Thursday i had my German exam and it was pretty easy. We had 135 minutes to write and i finished it in about 60 minutes.
So i thought: hm...you're not as good in math as you are in german but if the exam is as easy as the one in German was, it'll be fine. So, over the weekend, i looked at my work sheets and learned, but not that much, because i thought: if  German is that easy and you thought before it won't be, Math will be easy too.
So i spent most of the weekend on the internet, watching stuff that no one wants to know about and on the evening of Sunday, i was starting to get worried, if i was going to screw the exam or not.
But i told myself over and over and over and over to calm down and that i was prepared enough to write a good grade.
So far, so good. In class room i was really calm and i thought, ok i'm writing a good grade. After we good the exam and we could start, i worked a while. But after maybe 100-115 minutes i couldn't concentrate anymore. I ate a bunch of sweets and Apples, but nothing helped. So, after a friend of mine had finished, i decided that i was finished, too and that i wanted to go home.
Now i'm trying to stop myself from worrying  again. Hopefully English won't have this problems with me.

The right timing ?!

Actually I wanted to write about my feelings when I watched '12 Years a Slave' what I did about two or three months ago. You're getting what I want to say ? No ? Let me give you some more excamples. If I have to study for an exam in school I think three weeks before the exam: I should start to learn now. Two weeks before the exam i'm thinking the same, but than I find some Youtube Videos that I really need to watch or a book that I always wanted to read. And one week before the exams I do exactly the same until it's the last possible time to learn and I get so stressed out that nearly can't do anything. 
Another thing that i 'love' to do, is when we have to a project in school and I keep until the last week to actually do the project. 
Some may call this behavior 'laziness', but i'm not really sure how to call it. So the actually thing this post is about is that i want to say that i'm sorry for the ones that wanted to read things that i've written and for me, because i didn't write much since i started this Blog.  And yes, i'm sorry for myself. Am i a weirdo now ? Good, because i think i was one before. Haha, i'm so funny. 

Do dreams have to be reachable ?

I love books. Really, if I could, I would just jump into my favorite ones and life in it forever. But I can't, because I don't have the Power to do things like that. Even though it would be the best thing that ever could happen to me (yes, I think i'll never be the doctors companion and travel trough time and space with him and the TARDIS). So this could be the best thing ever.
But even this idea looks bad. Maybe I should stop having dreams which could never happen. Maxbe I should have some dreams like meeting Benedict Cumberbatch, Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson… and so on. What ? You  meant something else ? What ? Reality ? What's that ? You're funny. I never heard  this one before! And that's me every time someone tells me about dreams and what they want to do. Don't get me wrong: I admire people who know exactly what they would like happen and what they want to do. I just never had this knowing about very thing in my life. And to stay true: I never really wanted that. I was happy with my happy, childish dreams and don't want to think about the  future and my future job. My future life. Everyone who saw Back to the Future 2 that we're going to have flying cars next years. And Hoverboards. And all that stuff.
It might sound silly and a bit selfish, but I don't really want to think about the environment issues, because I kind of want everything to stay exactly the way it is. And I know that these are childish thoughts, because everything changes so fast, but it is what I think. Because I think that I'm deep down my brain, I'm a little five year old, who likes dolphins, Teddies and Childsongs. (and deep down there I still love them). Sometimes I hate being that way. But with every day I grow older and I'm starting to think that I'm good the way I am. That the way I dream is  exactly the way should dream, because who ever made me (and if it's just my parents having sex, that's  fine by me) he or her or it thought that it made sense. So i'm going to trust the person, because for this person it made totally sense so i'm trying to understand and appreciate what they did.

Every new year...

As anyone on this earth knows: 2014 has started! Yeah! But every time on New Years Eve i'm starting to wonder two things: 

1. What is going to change this year ?

And

2. What is definitely going to happen this year ?

And every time I come up with things like: Mokingjay part 1 is coming out, in October i'm going to be 16 and i can drink Guinnes, I can read many new books, the TFIOS film is finally going to be shown in theaters and things like that. And Although it's  a good idea for me be exited about things in the future which I want to happen so badly, I need to focus on the things that are happening anyway. 

Many people are seeing a great opportunity in having a new year, because they think they  can change their life and their whole personality just because they made a list and wrote next year I want to be nice to my math teacher and for some reasons they really believe this is going to happen, just because they made new Year Resolutions. 

I can just tell for myself, but I'm also writing down what I want to change the next year. But know while writing it down, that it isn't going to happen and that I'm not doing it anyway. I'm not even trying to do it and that's real problem: I'm to lazy. And that's so annoying (even for me!). Everytime I want to change it and stop being lazy, but the truth is: i can't. It's me. And that's the thing about new year Resolutions there are things you just can't change and do, but we always believe we can. (or at least I do).  So I'm also thinking about things that I really can during the next year, like: getting good marks in math and physics, don't spend so much time on the internet, concentrate on school stuff, don't watch Doctor Who the whole day, eat more healthy things, go to bed earlier, stop drinking so much Cola, learn a new language, stop falling in love with fictional characters. So I'll try to all of it or at least the most, because I just want my life to be better. Every year I want to have a new start, but I can't. I'm me. And have to be proud to be me.